That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
