Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
