Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
