We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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