Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
