the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
True strength comes from lack of pants
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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