i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
