He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
