I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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