Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
