You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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