I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
