Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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