Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
