If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
