I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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