break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize