there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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