I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
