Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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