OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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