It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
