She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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