i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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