it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
