What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
