Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
