me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
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Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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