I got chris browned last night
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
