I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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