idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
