This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
