he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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