I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
