So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
