ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
