mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
