don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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