My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
