He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
