i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
