Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
