Have you finally orgasmed yet?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
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