They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
