then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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