I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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