At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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