what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I need to calm my uterus...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
