I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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