spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
