Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We have started to decorate penises.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
