I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
