I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
