is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Found the puke drawer
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
