Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
FUCK WHALES
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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