sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
