either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
