She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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