hotel room ftw
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
