My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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